Ad Rant: Pizza Hut Tuscani Pizza
Because nobody watches commercials anymore, Antenna keeps track of what you may have missed while pushing those three triangles rightward.
This week’s ad:¬† Pizza Hut Tuscani Pasta
It’s no secret we are, as Ali G so delicately put it, a nation of “fatty boom-booms”.¬†¬† And anyone who’s flipped through that Michael Pollan book their aunt gave them as a birthday gift knows that the profits of AMERICAN FATTY FOOD INC. have been plateauing.¬† Yes, we’ve become much more informed about what we put into our bodies (thanks interwebs!), marginally less lazy (thanks, Jillian and Bob!), but making Americans fat is an industry with limited long-term growth prospects.¬† Gillette will be ok because hair never stops growing, but our stomachs can only expand so much.
So what do our favorite fatteries do?¬† Strategies vary wildly.¬† Some have said, “F*ck it, we know you’re weak.”¬† Others assuage your guilt with apple slices to get you to the door, knowing you’ll switch to the quarter-pounder with extra McFlurry once inside.¬† The most insidious strategy, though, is polishing that turd ’til it shines real good.¬† Sure sure, Subway, I’ll eat at one of your “restaurants” when I’m in a pinch.¬† But I will never be lazy enough to call Pizza Hut and ask them to deliver a trough full of leftover dough that’s been cut into spirals and slathered with peppery ketchup.¬† I will never ask by name for a food-like product whose main descriptor (“Tuscani”), like its “recipe”, has little basis in reality.¬† Most importantly, I will not swerve out of the way if any of these discerning diners steps in front of my car.