Comments on: Dual Academic Couples and Long Distance Living http://blog.commarts.wisc.edu/2011/10/25/dual-academic-couples-and-long-distance-living/ Responses to Media and Culture Fri, 12 Feb 2016 19:35:04 +0000 hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=4.7.5 By: Cynthia Meyers http://blog.commarts.wisc.edu/2011/10/25/dual-academic-couples-and-long-distance-living/comment-page-1/#comment-131614 Sat, 12 Nov 2011 00:11:19 +0000 http://blog.commarts.wisc.edu/?p=11163#comment-131614 I’ve been a member of two dual-academic couples and have experienced most of the variations (trailing spouse, adjunct, tenure track). My current husband commutes 1,000 miles to his tenured job, Tuesday through Thursday, while I stay put for mine. We had both sworn we would never tolerate a commuting marriage, and yet, here we are.

If I tell you that the only way we are able to tolerate it is because my husband is planning to take early retirement next year, that there is a specific “end date” to the commute, it will be of no comfort to you because you are up for tenure and therefore without an “end date.”

My only advice is to ignore all advice and do what feels right for you and your family.

]]> By: Shahril Lazzim http://blog.commarts.wisc.edu/2011/10/25/dual-academic-couples-and-long-distance-living/comment-page-1/#comment-125640 Wed, 26 Oct 2011 11:35:09 +0000 http://blog.commarts.wisc.edu/?p=11163#comment-125640 Dear Mark,

I strongly agree with you since I got friends who are in your similar situation, although some of them are apart form each other, most of them have the same reason as why they are married or coupled together. Intellectual quality is the main reason as far as I know of. The other is the profession “way of life” which they are comfortable living as a professor or lecturer. It the challenging to cope up with the day-to-day life sometimes hold them to be a social parents. But, once they have their time to be with others like gatherings or alumni, they are the ones which be interact more. The change of character can be noticed for sure.

I am no professor nor lecturer, but I find that sometimes when meeting in a gathering with intellect people (like you guys), being a little bit dumb can make a conversation open and interesting thus inter-act closely without any educational/professional gap. I think.

Shahril

]]> By: Claire Warwick http://blog.commarts.wisc.edu/2011/10/25/dual-academic-couples-and-long-distance-living/comment-page-1/#comment-125586 Wed, 26 Oct 2011 07:46:25 +0000 http://blog.commarts.wisc.edu/?p=11163#comment-125586 I sympathise, I did the commuting thing for 6 years: it’s no fun. Also my employers were not flexible and wanted me at work Monday to Thursday or even Friday. Result I left as soon as I could for my current job where I ‘only’ have a 100 mile round trip every day (luckily we have very good trains here in the UK). There is no prospect of this improving as far as I can see: Cambridge (where husband works) does not do serious DH and I don’t expect it will and I’m now Dept Chair and Associate Dean at UCL, never mind director of UCLDH. So it would be very hard for me to leave for all sorts of reasons, not least that I love it. Needless to say husband is happy at Cambridge too – who wouldn’t be?. We don’t have kids, so it’s easier for us. In the end I could not figure out a way to do that without compromising jobs we both love. I tried leaving academia but hated it. I dont see much prospect of change: spousal hires are almost unknown in the UK, even for senior Full positions. We make our choices I suppose….

]]> By: Jonathan Gray http://blog.commarts.wisc.edu/2011/10/25/dual-academic-couples-and-long-distance-living/comment-page-1/#comment-125305 Tue, 25 Oct 2011 14:40:36 +0000 http://blog.commarts.wisc.edu/?p=11163#comment-125305 Thanks so much for this, Mark. My wife and I lived in various long distance configurations (transatlantic, coast-to-coast, then Amtrak-able) for six years, so I know some of the pain you discuss (no kids, though, so only some, not all).

To add to the gloomy side of things, I’d note that it really hurts one’s social life, since there’s usually a home-base, and whoever doesn’t live there has a tenuous relationship to wherever they are and to the people there, while it’s also easy to want to greedily horde time with one another — to the exclusion of others — when at the home-base.

To add a bit of a silver lining, though, that experience helped us mature out of a mushy “I can’t live without you, snookums” dependency that grips too many couples. I also found it really easy to be academically productive when I had so many evenings and weekends without friends to hang out with (see above par.) or my wife to spend time with, and all the motivation I needed to use that time to publish my way closer to her. Mind you, that was without kids, and I’m sure kids change the dynamics of what’s possible, especially for whoever has the kids 24/7.

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