When young people do receive some sex ed, it is entirely focused on preventing sexual disease and does not address issues of sexual pleasure, desire, alternative sexual identities, or consent. I have been teaching a college course in the history of sex in the U.S. for many years now, and most of my students admit having learned about sex from online porn, not from the educational system (in contrast, one panel about BDSM relationships included discussions of consent, pleasure, communication between partners, ect). My studnets who are the most sophisticated about consent issues, varieties of sexual pleasure, and the multiplicity of gender/sexual identities in society today have learned about those subjects on social media sites such as Tumblr, and Youtube (such as the “sexplanations” series), and by reading fanfiction produced by their own communities. The people who are so up in arms about young people being exposed to BDSM should be more focused on the fact that young people are not getting the basic information they need to protect themselves and to find pleasure. If they sneak into an informational BDSM panel to learn something about what we seek to keep from them, good for them.

Thanks for your comment.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to elaborate (these word limits are difficult).

First, the idea that young women are “rioting” about their sexualization in media a] suggests that sexism either doesn’t exist in the media (and therefore in society) or is being wildly overstated by them, neither of which is true b] diminishes and ridicules young women’s activism on their own behalf as “rioting,” specifically their genuine and rightful concerns about this sexism (the old trope about “hysterical” women and “angry feminists”); c] it also does not acknowledge the importance of safe and informative spaces like these Cons where their concerns are taken seriously, an area where the organizers should be rightfully applauded for making possible.

Second, this statement equates sexism in the media with women’s erotic fantasies. Panelist leaders made clear that media sexism was tied to larger institutional structures of gender/sexual inequality in the United States as opposed to “blaming the media,” which is generally the easier approach to discussions of sexism, even from “liberals.” Young women’s particular romantic and sexual fantasies, like anyone’s, are their own, and not subject to critique. These spaces provide young women the opportunity to find community with others over their shared fantasies without being subject to just such ridicule by the larger sexist culture. The fact some of this fantasy is gay or queer according to current social mores, suggests that our heteronormative society is still primarily serving the romantic and sexual desires of (white) straight men and does little to acknowledge the variety of romantic and sexual identities and practices that exist in the culture. Young women’s “homoerotic” fantasies (often featuring two men) also reflect their own agency in creating work that will serve their desires; these are important acts of self-determination that are generally marginalized and ridiculed by a larger culture that dismisses “feminine” cultural production as not artistically valuable or worthy of genuine appreciation and serious study. I have seen more careful, nuanced analyses of media texts on Tumblr and more interesting creative thinking — often in opposition to dominant mores regarding sex and gender– in fan fiction than I have in most mainstream “high culture” products.

Finally, referring to all these girls as “white” erases the actual racial (as well as not acknowledging other distinctions such as religious, sexual, and class) diversity of the attendees. Many young female and queer fans are also people of color, yet are continually erased in discussions of female fandom–in part, I think, because it’s easier to dismiss them as not socially relevant. As one of the panelists I linked mentioned, such a generalization is actually racist because of its erasure of young women of color, as well as misogynist.

Thanks for your question!

There were some great things about the LGBTQIAP and perhaps some other panels, but the execution of this con was a mess.